The 'Why?'

To find out what this journey is about, start with the beginning, the 'Intro' post.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Fuck it

I used to say this a lot.  Or 'get the wild hair' as I would call it.   Seems like I've lost that in recent years.

"Hey!  I'm looking around for my 'fuck it'...  has anyone seen it lately?"

One day I got a wild hair, decided I wanted a tattoo..  said fuck it, went and got one.

One day at work a co-worker and I decided right then to go get our belly buttons pierced.  I said fuck it, we went.  Ouch!  haha

One day at 29 years old I decided I was going to go to college.  Said fuck it, applied and got in.

I think fear has been hiding my fuck it's.  I WANT THEM BACK!!!  I want my wild hairs.

Buying this van with the intention of no destination other than driving the 48 U.S. states is my 'fuck it'.  I'm doing it!  :)


Funny story:  I worked since 2004 as an xray tech.  I worked at the biggest hospital in Corpus Christi, TX between the years 2008-2012.  It was a few months into working there that I was trained for surgery.  Mind you, they had 16 surgery suites going almost non-stop with 2 cysto rooms, 4 cardiac cath lab rooms, it's own heart intensive care unit for it's heart surgery patients that was separate from the 2 floors of ICU, and about 4 neurosurgeons with God-complexes that did spine cases almost 7 days a week.  To say I was intimidated was an understatement.

The week I was training I was decidedly very nervous.  The most my other hospitals had me do in surgery was bone cases that were just click-click of the C-arm (what we use in surgery to image things), cholecystectomy cases which were easy-peasy.  I was to train to do some mind boggling stuff, well, more than I was used to anyways.  The spine cases made me soooo nervous!!   Imagine someone's spine getting surgery with all the instruments and sometimes halo'd heads and you have to get your equipment in there, all while being sterile, and not hit the intruments or the patient, and get the correct image exactly like the ego'd neurosurgeons wanted right then and there or else.  They liked to yell, too.  A lot.  Yeah, umm.. like yelling at me is going to make me soooo not nervous anymore and get your image perfect that much faster.  Not.

So one day I was stressing about it and a co-worker, April, gave me some sage advice.  Let me describe April first.  Happy go lucky, nothing gets her down, ray of sunshine and always smiling.  Always late and doesn't have an excuse.  Doesn't care what people think.  One of those you always want to be around just because she is so much fun, type.  So we are sitting there and this is literally what she tells me.  She said when those a-hole docs start yelling at you just imagine a spot on their forehead.  Stare at it.  Then tilt your head sideways while staring at that spot.  And in your mind, say 'Fuck it'.   haha!!   Rich!!   I laughed at that but she was dead serious.  Said what are they going to do, throw you out?  Nope.  They will calm down and wait for you to get THE image they need, cause they actually need you.  Don't let them treat you that way, just say 'fuck it'.  It did help many times, and not just with jerk neurosurgeons with God complexes.

I know there will be people in my life coming up when they find out what I am about to do that will start in on their:  Why?  It's not safe.  But you are going alone.   It's too dangerous.  Why do you want to go see stuff?  Why don't you want to just sit inside your box and put on the happy smiley face and be 'normal'.  This is what I say to them:


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